Open up Cosmopolitan Magazine’s March 2016 issue and you’ll find tips for flirting with a guy at work (“Text him a funny follow-up!”) and a fashion-infused profile of actress-slash-beauty mogul Jessica Alba (titled “Billion Dollar Babe.”)
Between these pieces is an eight-page feature on the intersection of gun rights and domestic violence in America. The article includes an eye-catching graphic of a chocolate gun in a candy box surrounded by brightly striped truffles, and a handy flowchart for talking with a new romantic partner about gun ownership.
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Dear McSweeney’s, Don’t worry. I am not Michael Cera, or any other curly-headed, lovably awkward Hollywood lookalike. To clarify, I am also not Jesse Eisenberg, a different (but also lanky and intelligent-looking) film actor who received many comparisons to Cera after his cute-but-bumbling breakout role in Zombieland. I’d like to put your minds at ease […]
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Thanks a bunch to Potluck Mag for publishing my short story “Godzilla” which is about Donald Trump. In an alternate universe, he lost the election and I never wrote this, and I’m really jealous of that alternate reality Wesley even though she is slightly less well-published than I am.
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On January 2nd everybody went to the ocean and we each tried to remind ourselves of what was real, before 2017 became the backpack we wore to work every day, back when it was the rocket ship we were building. I want this year to be my rocket ship. Put your feet in the sand […]
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Oh, the holidays. I remember sitting by the fire with my brothers while my mom stood by the stove for hours, moving the same tart dish in and out of the oven, adding more and more absurd layers to some nasty-ass insane holiday dessert before covering the whole thing with vanilla merengue, kitchen-torching the shit […]
Read more "This Salted Caramel Rum Pecan Pumpkin Spice Mexican Chocolate Peppermint Custard Tartin Will Make You Shit Your Pants."
I read my expletive-laden opus “The Bike Fucker” at Quiet Lightning’s 101st show at The American Bookbinder Museum in San Francisco a few weeks ago. It was a whole lot of fun, and I made some friends. Enjoy!
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Oh man oh man. Did you ever go to a school play because your friend was in it and then find out that your friend was madly, insanely talented? My friend Milo Gallagher’s poems have been up at Potluck Magazine this week and they are blowing my mind. Please go read “My Friend Loves Jesus” which starts […]
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